Type 3

I read this new parenting book, and I'm in love. LOVE I TELL YOU! It has changed how I parent and it has made Olivia and I get along SO MUCH BETTER. Sam and I generally get along, but this book was instrumental in me staying home with Liv (and not getting  job and putting her in day care!) There were moments I would call Jake and tell him I couldn't do it anymore....

But she is so cute huh? I mean, could I really leave this little
girl for hours a day? No.
P.S. She is wearing last years' Halloween costume! Love it!

I also need to keep rereading the book, because it helps remind me what I need to do to parent my children well. So this book is called the Child Whisperer by Carol Tuttle. This is the BEST parenting book I have read, and I have read me a few parenting books!

Basically, there are basically 4 types of people in this world. Olivia (and I!!) happen to be the most "difficult" type. We are Type 3. It's called "Determined." Which is a great say to sugar coat "stubborn" and "determined, purposeful, and persistent" maybe even fiery, pushy, etc.

Very well could have been that exactly poop smearing day....
Because there have been about 12 of them since we moved to FL.
12 times of cleaning up poop like this. No exaggeration. 

Months ago, a friend mentioned on Facebook that she was looking forward to reading the book. It was on a day where I had just finished cleaning up poop that Olivia smeared all over herself and her bedroom. I ordered the book of Amazon immediately. Best. Decision. Ever. I loved that the book was MINE and I could write in it.

I liked that I could write "Olivia" or "Sam" right by the
passage that described them. It really helped me define
what type they are. Sam is type 1. 

This book explained to me who my child is - and who I am. It lets me know that she is OK for being who she is - opinionated, stubborn, hard to please, etc. That is who she is, and probably who I am too. (I'm going to quote the book in this a lot, and the student in me REALLY wants to type in reference page numbers, but I'm trying to resist. So just know all these quotes are in the book under the chapter that talks about Type 3s.) Type 3's are always "getting out or getting into things in order to physically explore their world." One of my friends (correctly) said Liv is like a wrecking ball. Exactly. That was months ago, but if Liv does not get some serious energy out, she is exactly like a wrecking ball, going from one thing to the next exploring and making messes. Like ALL. DAY. LONG. It also says that Type 3 children from 18 months to 3 years old "created the phrase 'The Terrible Twos.' Once a Type 3 child is mobile, they tend to want to get their hands on and into everything. This is the stage where they want to start expiring their physical world. When they are blocked from that, their tantrums can be terrible." Exactly what it's like living with my little Liv the last year +... 

Type 3s have their "mind set on a certain result" and they will do whatever it takes to reach it - at any age. Sounds like fun toddler years, am I right?? Sometimes she just gives me anxiety... because as a Type 3 myself, I want to have everything exactly how I want it. And I don't want a 2 year old ruling my world. So to say Liv and I can clash...would be an understatement... BUT, this book gives ME the tools to parent her. So we can get a long, and connect. And feel love for each other.

Another thing, which I see a lot in myself (or I try to do!) is that Type 3s "push many things forward quickly and powerfully. Rather than moving forward through life on one linear tack, they move forward along three or more tracks at a time, completing projects simultaneously and keeping a lot of things going." It also states that sometimes it feels like your Type 3 child can be operating on this "READY, FIRE, AIM" module.... (rather than ready, aim, fire... get it?) Like they start doing something before they really even know it is what they are doing.... Can you tell? I'm already sharing my business idea before I even know what I'm getting into, or I'm ready to actually start doing it? READY, FIRE, AIM! STEPH!

Type 3s are natural leaders, and if you encourage them to cultivate their leadership skills, they will accomplish great things. Type 3s who have been encouraged to express their personalities and DO things, end up going BIG. These are the Michael Phelps and Serena Williams (please don't let Michael Phelps recent DUI taint that reference!) So Liv can do BIG and GOOD things, I just have to help her set her course and encourage her. Type 3s can be labeled as a little fireball, and sometimes pushy, aggressive, demanding, or out of control. Hopefully by the time these little Type 3s become adult type 3s, we can tame these demanding tendencies (I hope I have), but I can totally see them evident in my little girl.

Another fun thing about 3s, which we have repeatedly experienced with Liv, is that "Type 3 children do not like to feel blocked or thwarted from the result they are trying to achieve...that forward energy needs somewhere to go, and your child will probably just push back harder or even react explosively" if you try to calm or shut down their energy. It's a super fun personality to deal with, just ask Jake ;/  I remember when I had just finished reading this chapter, I was SO EXCITED to tell Jake. I knew I had a roadmap on how to parent Olivia, and I was so grateful and I knew that Liv and I could be friends, not just continually battling with each other. So after I told Jake about how Type 3s act, and the difficulties, etc, I just said "She's nuts, isn't she?" "She's so hard to deal with, isn't it crazy?" Jake just looks at me, and said "Yes, I know. I have been married to you for almost 7 years now." LOL. Hilarious - because I have all the same tendencies as Liv. We are like the same person, I'm just 29 years older.

This is Liv trying to pee in the bushes like Sam.
I used to think "Stop Her!" but now I think,
"Hey, if she's smart enough to think of it on
her own, why not let her?" 

One of the biggest things I have changed since reading this book is letting Olivia DO. The book states that "within obvious boundaries of safety, allow your Type 3 enough space and permission to DO. They may wasn't to pursue results that are not a high priority for you. If you try to stop them, they will probably find a way around you to do it anyway. If you succeed in stopping them, their frustration may simmer until they act out their frustration in other ways. Both of you will experience much more joy and harmony if you facilitate opportunities for your Type 3 child to actively pursue their dreams, no matter how big. Don't just get out of their way: Cheer them on. Trust that they can do it!"

And I think as soon as Jake realized this with me, we have gotten along so much better also. He just needs to sit back and cheer me on (most of the time.) So I have tried to step back and say yes to Liv as much as possible - One way I did this was with swimming.

When we moved to FL we bought puddle jumpers for both kids. They got used to the water really quickly and we could relax (while still watching them) but know they were not likely to drown in front of our face because of those awesome floaties. So a month or so down the road, Sam starts to become a better swimmer and he kind of graduates from the puddle jumpers. As soon as Sam stopped wearing his puddle jumpers, Liv didn't want to wear hers. She would fight me every time I put them on. There were epic battles.

One battle where she could decide to either
wear her puddle jumper or sit in the stroller.
Obviously she chose stroller. Those
were not fun pool days. 

So I felt like I always had to be right next to her in the pool because I didn't trust her swimming abilities AT ALL. And lucky for me, this coincided perfectly with my morning sickness. When I barely wanted to get out of bed, I needed to be right next to her in the pool. So after a couple of weeks of fighting, I did two things. (I would not say this was sacrificing safety, because I was watching her)

1. I let go a bit. I let Liv play on the stairs in the pool and I didn't hover over her waiting for her to go under. I watched closely from my lawn chair and jumped in the pool to save her when she went under.

2. I got Liv some good swim lessons. I paid this girl in my church to come for an hour a week to help Liv swim. And by the end of the week, Liv could do some life saving swimming (she could step off the steps and swim back a couple feet to the edge.) Liv also knew her limits better.

Result: Liv got the freedom she needed because I wasn't hovering over her. I got to relax while I was super nauseas and I just used short bursts of energy to jump in the pool when she needed some help. And Liv got to set her limits and she recognized them, rather than ME putting a limit on her, which she always pushed back against anyways (which caused us both to be very frustrated.)

And one good tip I always have to remind myself is the book states is "their energy is not naturally devious or rebellious. They do not do things to purposely upset you, especially when they are young. Sometimes I just say that to myself over and over. "She's not trying to drive me nuts, She's not trying to drive me nuts."

Sam and Liv going on a morning run before I go to
the gym - It get's their energy out!

One other super helpful thing I learned is that type 3 kids need a physical outlet for their energy. I should have known this. I remember my mom telling me more than once "Can you please go on a run or something? You are a much more nice person after you run." And Liv does get in the most trouble, or do the most damage when she hasn't got her energy out. So I've got Liv in a tumbling class and she loves it. Type 3s don't like sitting very long - they would much rather work on a project.

Tumbling class last week - Sam does it with her and they both love it!

The book also goes over potty training, sleeping, school, dating, driving, etc. It's amazing. It gives me tips on being a parent to a type 3, and also gives me tips AS a type 3 parent. There are even physical characteristics that define who a Type 3 is. One glaring characteristic that I have is the "Type 3 scowl," or a furrowing or wrinkling of my forehead between my eyebrows. (Liv doesn't have it - or not yet at least!)

And I know I've got to put my best effort forth to make
my relationship with Liv a good one. One that we can
both enjoy. I want us to love each other and LOVE
being around each other. She's darling. 

Anyways, I would recommend this book to anyone - it's a great read. It has helped me, which has helped our whole family get along better. It's helped with Sam also, but he's a bit easier to raise and I didn't have to do so much correcting of my parenting with his Type. Good luck! And order that book!