Type 3

I read this new parenting book, and I'm in love. LOVE I TELL YOU! It has changed how I parent and it has made Olivia and I get along SO MUCH BETTER. Sam and I generally get along, but this book was instrumental in me staying home with Liv (and not getting  job and putting her in day care!) There were moments I would call Jake and tell him I couldn't do it anymore....

But she is so cute huh? I mean, could I really leave this little
girl for hours a day? No.
P.S. She is wearing last years' Halloween costume! Love it!

I also need to keep rereading the book, because it helps remind me what I need to do to parent my children well. So this book is called the Child Whisperer by Carol Tuttle. This is the BEST parenting book I have read, and I have read me a few parenting books!

Basically, there are basically 4 types of people in this world. Olivia (and I!!) happen to be the most "difficult" type. We are Type 3. It's called "Determined." Which is a great say to sugar coat "stubborn" and "determined, purposeful, and persistent" maybe even fiery, pushy, etc.

Very well could have been that exactly poop smearing day....
Because there have been about 12 of them since we moved to FL.
12 times of cleaning up poop like this. No exaggeration. 

Months ago, a friend mentioned on Facebook that she was looking forward to reading the book. It was on a day where I had just finished cleaning up poop that Olivia smeared all over herself and her bedroom. I ordered the book of Amazon immediately. Best. Decision. Ever. I loved that the book was MINE and I could write in it.

I liked that I could write "Olivia" or "Sam" right by the
passage that described them. It really helped me define
what type they are. Sam is type 1. 

This book explained to me who my child is - and who I am. It lets me know that she is OK for being who she is - opinionated, stubborn, hard to please, etc. That is who she is, and probably who I am too. (I'm going to quote the book in this a lot, and the student in me REALLY wants to type in reference page numbers, but I'm trying to resist. So just know all these quotes are in the book under the chapter that talks about Type 3s.) Type 3's are always "getting out or getting into things in order to physically explore their world." One of my friends (correctly) said Liv is like a wrecking ball. Exactly. That was months ago, but if Liv does not get some serious energy out, she is exactly like a wrecking ball, going from one thing to the next exploring and making messes. Like ALL. DAY. LONG. It also says that Type 3 children from 18 months to 3 years old "created the phrase 'The Terrible Twos.' Once a Type 3 child is mobile, they tend to want to get their hands on and into everything. This is the stage where they want to start expiring their physical world. When they are blocked from that, their tantrums can be terrible." Exactly what it's like living with my little Liv the last year +... 

Type 3s have their "mind set on a certain result" and they will do whatever it takes to reach it - at any age. Sounds like fun toddler years, am I right?? Sometimes she just gives me anxiety... because as a Type 3 myself, I want to have everything exactly how I want it. And I don't want a 2 year old ruling my world. So to say Liv and I can clash...would be an understatement... BUT, this book gives ME the tools to parent her. So we can get a long, and connect. And feel love for each other.

Another thing, which I see a lot in myself (or I try to do!) is that Type 3s "push many things forward quickly and powerfully. Rather than moving forward through life on one linear tack, they move forward along three or more tracks at a time, completing projects simultaneously and keeping a lot of things going." It also states that sometimes it feels like your Type 3 child can be operating on this "READY, FIRE, AIM" module.... (rather than ready, aim, fire... get it?) Like they start doing something before they really even know it is what they are doing.... Can you tell? I'm already sharing my business idea before I even know what I'm getting into, or I'm ready to actually start doing it? READY, FIRE, AIM! STEPH!

Type 3s are natural leaders, and if you encourage them to cultivate their leadership skills, they will accomplish great things. Type 3s who have been encouraged to express their personalities and DO things, end up going BIG. These are the Michael Phelps and Serena Williams (please don't let Michael Phelps recent DUI taint that reference!) So Liv can do BIG and GOOD things, I just have to help her set her course and encourage her. Type 3s can be labeled as a little fireball, and sometimes pushy, aggressive, demanding, or out of control. Hopefully by the time these little Type 3s become adult type 3s, we can tame these demanding tendencies (I hope I have), but I can totally see them evident in my little girl.

Another fun thing about 3s, which we have repeatedly experienced with Liv, is that "Type 3 children do not like to feel blocked or thwarted from the result they are trying to achieve...that forward energy needs somewhere to go, and your child will probably just push back harder or even react explosively" if you try to calm or shut down their energy. It's a super fun personality to deal with, just ask Jake ;/  I remember when I had just finished reading this chapter, I was SO EXCITED to tell Jake. I knew I had a roadmap on how to parent Olivia, and I was so grateful and I knew that Liv and I could be friends, not just continually battling with each other. So after I told Jake about how Type 3s act, and the difficulties, etc, I just said "She's nuts, isn't she?" "She's so hard to deal with, isn't it crazy?" Jake just looks at me, and said "Yes, I know. I have been married to you for almost 7 years now." LOL. Hilarious - because I have all the same tendencies as Liv. We are like the same person, I'm just 29 years older.

This is Liv trying to pee in the bushes like Sam.
I used to think "Stop Her!" but now I think,
"Hey, if she's smart enough to think of it on
her own, why not let her?" 

One of the biggest things I have changed since reading this book is letting Olivia DO. The book states that "within obvious boundaries of safety, allow your Type 3 enough space and permission to DO. They may wasn't to pursue results that are not a high priority for you. If you try to stop them, they will probably find a way around you to do it anyway. If you succeed in stopping them, their frustration may simmer until they act out their frustration in other ways. Both of you will experience much more joy and harmony if you facilitate opportunities for your Type 3 child to actively pursue their dreams, no matter how big. Don't just get out of their way: Cheer them on. Trust that they can do it!"

And I think as soon as Jake realized this with me, we have gotten along so much better also. He just needs to sit back and cheer me on (most of the time.) So I have tried to step back and say yes to Liv as much as possible - One way I did this was with swimming.

When we moved to FL we bought puddle jumpers for both kids. They got used to the water really quickly and we could relax (while still watching them) but know they were not likely to drown in front of our face because of those awesome floaties. So a month or so down the road, Sam starts to become a better swimmer and he kind of graduates from the puddle jumpers. As soon as Sam stopped wearing his puddle jumpers, Liv didn't want to wear hers. She would fight me every time I put them on. There were epic battles.

One battle where she could decide to either
wear her puddle jumper or sit in the stroller.
Obviously she chose stroller. Those
were not fun pool days. 

So I felt like I always had to be right next to her in the pool because I didn't trust her swimming abilities AT ALL. And lucky for me, this coincided perfectly with my morning sickness. When I barely wanted to get out of bed, I needed to be right next to her in the pool. So after a couple of weeks of fighting, I did two things. (I would not say this was sacrificing safety, because I was watching her)

1. I let go a bit. I let Liv play on the stairs in the pool and I didn't hover over her waiting for her to go under. I watched closely from my lawn chair and jumped in the pool to save her when she went under.

2. I got Liv some good swim lessons. I paid this girl in my church to come for an hour a week to help Liv swim. And by the end of the week, Liv could do some life saving swimming (she could step off the steps and swim back a couple feet to the edge.) Liv also knew her limits better.

Result: Liv got the freedom she needed because I wasn't hovering over her. I got to relax while I was super nauseas and I just used short bursts of energy to jump in the pool when she needed some help. And Liv got to set her limits and she recognized them, rather than ME putting a limit on her, which she always pushed back against anyways (which caused us both to be very frustrated.)

And one good tip I always have to remind myself is the book states is "their energy is not naturally devious or rebellious. They do not do things to purposely upset you, especially when they are young. Sometimes I just say that to myself over and over. "She's not trying to drive me nuts, She's not trying to drive me nuts."

Sam and Liv going on a morning run before I go to
the gym - It get's their energy out!

One other super helpful thing I learned is that type 3 kids need a physical outlet for their energy. I should have known this. I remember my mom telling me more than once "Can you please go on a run or something? You are a much more nice person after you run." And Liv does get in the most trouble, or do the most damage when she hasn't got her energy out. So I've got Liv in a tumbling class and she loves it. Type 3s don't like sitting very long - they would much rather work on a project.

Tumbling class last week - Sam does it with her and they both love it!

The book also goes over potty training, sleeping, school, dating, driving, etc. It's amazing. It gives me tips on being a parent to a type 3, and also gives me tips AS a type 3 parent. There are even physical characteristics that define who a Type 3 is. One glaring characteristic that I have is the "Type 3 scowl," or a furrowing or wrinkling of my forehead between my eyebrows. (Liv doesn't have it - or not yet at least!)

And I know I've got to put my best effort forth to make
my relationship with Liv a good one. One that we can
both enjoy. I want us to love each other and LOVE
being around each other. She's darling. 

Anyways, I would recommend this book to anyone - it's a great read. It has helped me, which has helped our whole family get along better. It's helped with Sam also, but he's a bit easier to raise and I didn't have to do so much correcting of my parenting with his Type. Good luck! And order that book!

Tuesdays Flow

I wrote this post in my head during my Tuesday morning workout. And it may be a downer for some one you... so feel free to just skip this post if you want!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

See, I'm a cardio girl. I've ran two marathons (though it's been 10 years!) countless shorter distance races, and a couple of triathlons. If I'm at the gym I usually choose a cardio type class. I try to fit in some weights because I know I need to build muscle. In the past I have had a hard time convincing myself I got a workout if I didn't get any cardio in -- for example, I needed to run before a lifting weights - -  and yoga or Pilates was a joke. Like a waste of time. 

So fast forward to a couple months ago when a trainer at my gym (during a free consult session) suggested I go to a Body Flow class (yoga with a bit of pilates) to help stretch out my tight muscles. I resisted, but went because I knew it would help. Surprisingly, slowly I've gotten hooked on yoga. It's only once a week, so I'm not all "yogi"but I really do hate to miss my Tuesday Flow class. 

So Tuesday after Livs tumbling class, we headed to the gym. And I know what I'm getting myself into every Tuesday. I cry at every Flow class since coming home after my moms funeral. But I keep coming back. Somehow I don't find myself crying at my cardio or weight classes because my brain is probably focused on getting myself enough air to power through the workout... Or the music is just too fast paced to have a good cry? 

One of the last pictures I have with my mom - She was such a
sport - she took my bro and I on an impromptu trip to Salt Lake City
to catch our connecting flight after our flight out of Moab was cancelled.
And she smiled and was grateful for the extra time the whole way.

Anyways, I have a friend, recently turned yoga instructor in my old town of Hastings, Nebraska. She has mentioned she makes these emotional breakthroughs while doing yoga.. Or that her emotions are just so raw and sometimes she finds herself crying out of nowhere. Either way, I totally agree. 

I usually end up having a bit of a crying session during the last song where we all lay down and relax (I love it -- someone is watching my kids while I can lay on the ground and relax? YES!) Tuesday was different. I started thinking how nice it is to be able to exercise again after being so nauseas for months and months. And I thought my mom would have loved doing this with me if her body would have been able. Sometimes I think "I should call her and tell her about this awesome class." But then I remember she is gone. Because sometimes the hardest part is remembering that she is actually gone. 

After the graveside service -
Sam keeps reminding me that I got to put a
rose on the casket and he didn't
So "NEXT TIME" he gets to also.
I'm hoping the next time is not for a long time.

I have lived far away from her (at least 14 hrs by car) for the last 5 years. I probably averaged seeing her two or three times a year, so 15ish times in the last 5 years. I got used to not seeing her. I'm used to talking to her -- for the last year and a half or do I called almost every day. So sometimes it's hard to remind myself she's not there for me to talk to on the phone. 

But it's also hard because I just keep assuming I will see her "next time." Like Thanksgiving, or Christmas, or when this sweet baby is born. 

Liv and her naked bum.
She loved playing in the rocks

I let Liv get some time playing in the mud
at my dad's house - she loved it!

After mud pies, she wanted to swing

I keep thinking, after some "experience" I will have reality set in. Like I will just stop forgetting that she's gone. Before I went home for the funeral, I thought reality would set in when I finally got home and saw my dad. But it didn't, I just kept looking around for her. Signs of her life were everywhere. I kept using her hand lotion she kept out. Her cane was in the corner. A note from her sister was on the fridge. 

Then I thought "maybe when I see her and we have the funeral, then I will realize she's gone." But no. I kept looking for her the funeral. I just assumed she was going to the bathroom and that she would be back sitting in her chair or telling us what to make for dinner. 

I have also been surprised what has been hard, and what has been easy. Sometimes I am fine, and some things catch me off guard and break my heart and make me cry. 

Me, Suzanne, Dad, Brad, and Todd
After the funeral August 7 2014

I remember going to church the morning my dad told me my mom had passed away. I had been ok. I knew she was in a better place and I was happy she wasn't suffering. But as I was walking up to the church, I was talking to my dad about when the funeral would be and whether they would have time to announce it. He said that a family friend had called the local bishops and they would announce it at church. That was hard. Reality started to hit when I knew other people would know.

I didn't realize this, but at a funeral it's normal to display the life of the person who has died. Setting up tables of memories and different pictures and quilts my mom had made was hard. It was like displaying a beautiful life on a few tables, and I couldn't even begin to capture her wonderful spirit. 

The viewing and funeral were ok. It was hard, but it was so good. We had so so much support and we all felt so loved. It was also easy to help write the obituary. It was like writing a wonderful story about my mom.

But on our way driving out of town, I stopped by the newspaper office to pick up a couple of copies - and it was shockingly hard to read the obituary in the newspaper. That hurt. And I still haven't picked it up - there's just a neat (or not so neat) little pile of things from the funeral that I haven't even wanted to touch.

My dad also had a nice DVD made with pictures of my mom that played with music for people to watch while they were in line for the viewing. He gave all of us siblings a copy and it's in that pile. My dad suggested I watch it sometime, and mostly with my kids. He really wants his grandkids to remember my mom. And I thought it would be easy to just pop that DVD right in -- but when it came time, I just found something else to do. Sometimes it just takes time to work through emotions, and I think this is one of them. 

I love this picture - Todd was saying his belly was bigger than
mine or Suzanne's (I'm about 15 weeks along and Suz
is about 13 weeks) 

So this Flow class gives me time to think each of these thoughts. It's wonderful to hear myself think without being interrupted every 20 seconds by a 4 and 2 year old. I love the relaxing atmosphere, and I think it just allows me to grieve. Hopefully no one notices me wiping a tear or two (or more!) away in class.

So if anyone out there needs to work through some hard feelings, I would recommend going to your local gym with good child care (if you have kids and they are not in schools) and get yourself in a yoga class. Maybe it won't be the first or second time that you can relax enough to feel whatever you need, but I bet it will come. And you will get some killer workout in while you are at it. Yoga is hard!

I got to bring my mom's shoes home
I wear them almost every day because they remind me of her.

Forward Focus

It's been a while and a lot has happened. Two days after my last post my mom passed away. It's been a long road, and at times it feels like it was yesterday, and sometimes it feels like it's been a year. I will likely write more about that later, but right now I want to focus on the future while still remembering the past.

But first, let's talk about these dresses. I went to Joanns after I got back from the funeral and decided I needed to work on getting a final dress done. So I chose some awesome fabric. I REALLY love this combo.

The purple fabric on the right is a super nice feeling satin. That would be one side of the dress with an appliqué of some kind (fox, fox face, etc?) with the fox fabric. Then the other side of the dress would be the fox fabric with the orange dot fabric as the appliqué. Then I would mirror the appliqué in the cutout on the back. The orange/pink/white ribbon is the loop closure for the awesome orange button. LOVE IT! Now, I just have to work on it. ;) I think Liv is going to look super cute in it. I can't wait!

But let me tell you a story....

So I was showing this fabric to some friends the day that I bought it. I was trying to convince one of them to go into business with me. She could be the business side (marketing, accounting, paperwork) and I could be the sewing/designing side. Because it's been hard trying to do both. Basically everything moves at a snails pace. So as I was telling her she should do this with me, I also told her about another business idea I had. And as I was explaining it, I realized the other idea is what I really wanted to pursue.

I love these little dresses. I love that I made them up, and I love the color combos that could happen. But I was passionate about this other idea. I feel like it could make a difference for someone. And I don't think a little girls dress can do that as well. There's a difference between loving something, and being passionate about something else. There's a "why" behind the passionate idea, which is to help other people remember those who are important to them.

There's also a difference between my market audience. My business idea I am passionate about is a more narrow market. And the product is much more expensive, so that also narrows things a bit. So it may be a hard go - but that's ok with me. I have never seen anything like this, so I feel like I may have a niche.

But I'm going to go backward in time a bit before I tell you. I was talking with one of my other friends from Nebraska months and months ago. I knew I wanted to start a sewing business of some kind, I just didn't have an idea. I told her I loved to quilt, but it's hard to sell quilts because they are so expensive. Most people don't want to pay the price for a custom quilt -- mostly when they can get a soft blanket at Costco or Target for $20. So I kind of gave up on the idea.... At the time, we were going through the roller coaster of my mom's declining health and I wanted a way to bridge the gap between quilting and genealogy - or remembering the people who have touched our lives. I just really didn't know if it was possible to connect quilts and genealogy.

So after pinning a ton of quilt ideas off Pintrest, I found the idea. So while I hesitate to put this picture up on my blog, because it wasn't my original idea, but I can't find the original source from Pintrest. It just leads to an image without a webpage. Here goes....

And I'm sure once I make this quilt (one for me remembering my mom) I will work in my originalities, so it won't be a knock off this particular quilt. I just hope this quilt can be a jumping off place for my quilts.

So I'm planning on getting some of my mom's clothes (or something fabric and memorable) and (with my dad's permission!) cutting them up to appliqué them as the hearts on the top.  Then at the bottom I think it would be great to embroider  my dad, and maybe my whole family. And this girl is holding a coffee mug or something, but that's not really what I'm going for. So I will figure out something else. Also, if it looks good I can embroider names and dates of people on the quilt too.

I'm just excited - I feel like this is perfect. My mom had such a passion for quilting. I watched her, and I learned so much. Now I feel like I can use what she taught me to carry on her memory through quilting, and also through a quilt depicting that love her, miss her, and remember her.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So for my short terms goals, I'm writing out a business plan. How fun is that going to be? Wish me luck!

And please someone business oriented speak up and join in my business venture! ;) It will be fun....

Buttonless Debut

I originally wrote this post the end of May or beginning of June - It is long, and it was taking me a few days to complete it. While I was trying to finish up the last few swatches of fabric samples, I got another call that my mom wasn't doing well in Utah and it was pretty rough. I felt like I had worried and cried so much that week that I actually felt numb. I wasn't processing the information well and I just kept working on the post, all the while, just sure my mom wasn't going to make it.

So it's taken a while to get to this point. First, I went back to Utah. Then I came back and was really sick with the pregnancy. Thankfully, I feel like I'm coming out of the fog and I have been sewing a bit. I am finishing up a quilt I cut out for Olivia over a year ago. I'll show pictures next post. It's cute. I want to get the quilt top all put together before I take pictures.

But I still have a lot of work to get any of these dresses ready to go and sell. Like so much work. But that's ok - I feel like I've been on the "slow track" a lot of life, so now I'm just trying to be ok with that. Being pregnant slows life down, and I'm sure a new baby will make things crazy too!

Here's the original post!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I am pumped - After I wrote my last post yesterday, I actually finished the dress! What?? About 25 min later it was done and photographed. Wow - look at the motivation the internets can give ;)

I have a million thoughts, and I would seriously love your input. Whether I know you or not, or whether you buy dresses for little girls or not, I want your opinion! Alright! Please leave a comment below, or email me at stephaniekayerandallathotmaildotcom

Thought Numero One

Here is the dress design - Let me explain it.

Obviously I like the herringbone prints. I was in a mental rush when I designed the appliqué on this one, and just decided to put herringbone on both sides - but I switched up the pattern.

This is first side has a smaller pattern on the front, and this larger pattern on the back. Please ignore the fact that the dress doesn't have a button and closure on it (details, details... I was worried about how it all went together - not about whether it would close properly!)

Anyways, I think I like the first side better - it's a cute in the front, but I love the herringbone pattern on the back - oh - and if I manage to get a button closure on the back, you know what the cut out is?? IT'S A HERRINGBONE SHAPE. How awesome am I?? So the cutout in the back will just repeat the shape appliquéd on the front. Sounds fun?

The dress is completely reversible - I love that. But question #1 - do little girls NEED a reversible dress? If you were to buy this dress, how much would you love it THAT it is reversible? Or could you take it or leave it?

I wanted the dress fully lined, so I thought - well, if I'm fully lining it, might as well put in a bit more effort and make it reversible too. What do you think?

Thought Numero Two

 I need Olivia to play in this dress more and see how it fits - it's a tad shorter than I planned, but that might be a good thing. I need to make sure she has enough room to move in it - or make it wider around her legs so she can run.

Question #2: Do these girls that wear dresses in your life wear them regularly - like on an every day basis? I'm trying to figure out if this dress is more of a "church/nice" dress, or if it will be a play dress. If it's more for nice occasions, I the dress could get away with being a bit slimmer... what do you think?

This is the flip side. Small pattern in back, larger in front.

Thought Numero Three

Fabric - I have been thinking and dreaming about fabrics before I even had the dress design down! So here's what I'm imagining. The fabric this is made out of is a cheap muslin with some cotton colored fabric appliquéd.

So I'm imagining for my "summer line" (gosh, that makes me feel impressive) I want to go with linen, or linenish fabrics. These girls want to stay nice and cool in the heat, right?

But I'm totally wanting to have one side be a nice soft satin. Linen and satin go together?? I'm not sure. I'll have to prototype that one. But imagine putting this little girl in a dress that is all silky smooth against her skin. Um... Does one come in my size??

But I'm thinking of having muted tones on one side with the appliquéd pieces having some print (like this dress) and maybe the opposite side  have a printed dress with the appliqué being a muted tone. Does that make sense? So when you choose to put on this dress, you have two options:

Side A:

<<   So the Teal is a Satin that would make the dress

>> Then the grey dots would be the appliqué on the dress, whether you choose herringbone, circles, ovals, whatever your little heart wants.

Side B 

 << Then what about the triangles as the dress this time - the fabric isn't linen, but it's a very lightweight cotton that is perfect for dresses or tunics.

>> Then the orangey color would be the appliqué

And here's some more of my other favorite color combos.

#1

^^ This fabric combo reminds of me of school starting in the fall ^^

#2

^^ I forgot which fabrics I chose that are silky, but this orange and white 

polka dot would be awesome if it were all nice and silky. Like a dream :) ^^

#3

^^ These prints together are kind of busy, but I think with just a 

bit of the elephants as appliqué, it would look great. I feel like Chevron 

is a bit overused, but it is beautiful. And light. and springy ^^

#4

^^ Reminds me of a sailor! ^^ 

#5

^^ This darker fabric is a light chambray material - I love that look ^^

#6

^^ Same as above - and these circles are awesome - It would be fun to appliqué a 

completely different shape, like a rectangle, or star with these circles ^^ 

#7

^^ More awesome color combos ^^

#8

  

^^ I think the beige is a linen, which would be nice and airy, but the 

complimenting fabric is kind of too good to pass up as a base for the 

dress - with the beige as the appliqué? ^^  

#9

^^ I'm sure I could look this up again, but I'm pretty sure most of 

these printed fabrics are designed by Micheal Miller - He's one of

 my favorite fabric designers. It's just beautiful and my style ^^

#10

^^ And last example - I totally love this combo - obviously. On trend with 

the overload of teal and yellow. I wonder what we will be 

thinking about that trend in 10 years.... ^^

Anyways - Thanks for looking and hopefully dreaming with me! If you could just make some comments on what you think about this dress, please let me know. Even if you aren't in the market for a dress like this, I would love some feedback. And after thinking for a couple of months about it, I think I will make the dress more full. It's pretty slim, and I think it would be awesome with a bit more body.

Hopefully I can make a prototype here soon --- Just need to get that quilt done first. ;)

Questions to Answer:

#1: Do you like that the dress is reversible? Do you think it's a great selling point, or could you take it or leave it?

#2: Do these girls that wear dresses in your life wear them regularly - like on an every day basis? I'm trying to figure out if this dress is more of a "church/nice" dress, or if it will be a play dress. If it's more for nice occasions, I the dress could get away with being a bit slimmer... what do you think?

#3 What fabric combos were your favorite? Or what would you do different with the fabric?

#4 Anything other comments?