One Day -- Chronicles of life with a 2 year old

There was this one day...

that the high was 88 degrees. And I thought I would be an awesome mom and take my kids swimming... So I stuffed my post preggo belly into a swim suit, and we went out the door.

I remembered that Liv had not gone to the bathroom recently, so I suggested that we go. She said, "I'll go when we get there"because there is a bathroom at the pool.

So we make it to the pool and we head to the bathrooms. They have a code on them you have to punch in to open the door and my kids LOVE to punch in random buttons. I punched in the code to let Liv in the bathroom and she decided screaming at me would be a good idea to let me know she needed button punching time before she peed.

I had her cool off on a chair before trying to get in the bathroom...and once she was inside, she started freaking out because she hates the loud noises of public restrooms... (but rest assured, she was the only person in the bathroom and there were NO loud noises!)  So after much convincing, she won and decided she would rather sit and watch Sam swim than use the bathroom.

So she sat for a minute... Then she decided she wanted to swim and she was going to use the bathroom. She convinced Sam to get out of the pool so I could leave and take her to the bathroom.

And I did. When we got there she decided not to use the bathroom. Awesome.

So we sat down. Sam jumped in for about .5 seconds and declared the pool water too "weird" to swim in.

So we got up to leave. Sam decided he wanted to paint a rock by the pool. I said we weren't painting when we got home. He starts crying.

I walk two steps and see a 3 ft black snake slither across the pool area.

Sam cries most of the way home...

I declare the afternoon should be used for sewing. And maybe a jog.

I change into something less "sausage like" on my stomach and head into the sewing room.

I grab the dress to start sewing and a spider crawls all over the fabric! (I hate spiders!)

Then Liv decided to wash her hands with the filtered water out of the fridge (yes... there was a huge puddle).

So she cleaned up the mess and got sent to her room for a bit.

Which is where this happened.

Count your blessings, huh?

And that was today.

Foxes and Phases

I'm finally diving into this beautiful fabric! I'm loving how it's turning out so far -- I have some sort of fetish with herringbone patterns. I need to branch out on next dress. Maybe circles? Squares would be nice and easy!

Even as I was cutting out this dress, I was noticing how my sewing has changed throughout the years.
I learned to sew with my mom. She sewed clothes when I was little, but her true love was quilting. She was a fantastic quilter. I sewed a little in high school in my home economics class, but I stopped completely afterwards. I was too busy in college and afterwards. But about a week after having Sam, I realized I was going to need a hobby if I was going to be a stay at home mom.

My mom was visiting and helping with Sam at the time, and we decided I was going to make a quilt for my sister in law for a present for her upcoming wedding. Years before, my mom had given me her old sewing machine she received when she was 18 years old. This sewing machine is HEAVY and ancient. It's a beast. The machine and I were on the outs when my mom got there, and she fixed it up nicely. I planned on making friends with her while my mom was there to supervise. She could intervene if anything became an issue. We went to Hobby Lobby and my mom treated me to fabric, batting, a rotary cutter, a self healing mat, rulers, scissors, pins, etc. She was always generous. So we began cutting and sewing this beautiful quilt. And I knew I had caught the bug for reals.

I also knew that I had to sew differently than my mom. My mom's quilts are perfect and immaculate, even if they are some funky colors at times. Perfectionism ran deep in her blood when it came to quilting, and she would rip out a seam and redo the quilt until it reached her standards of quality. And I KNEW I could not do that. It was too overwhelming to think about sewing a perfect project. I was just lucky to be sewing at all. I was happy her machine and I could be friends again, and I tried to ignore all the (many) mistakes I made at the beginning. For years, I ignored my sewing mistakes and was so proud I created something. Even if it wasn't particularly useful. It was great.

My mom thought I was crazy - if I were going through all that work to create something, I should take just a bit of extra effort to make sure it was perfect. But I disagreed. I was just happy it came together. I was comfortable with my quirks.

Then came phase two - where I realized maybe I should pay more attention to the quality of my work. About the time we moved from Lincoln to Hastings Nebraska, a long lost roommate of mine also moved there with her husband and little girl. I hadn't seen this roommate since we went our separate ways after moving out, and I was surprised and excited. Hastings Nebraska is really the middle of nowhere surrounded by acres of cornfields.

So my friend Liz and I would stay sane in this little town where we didn't know a soul by sewing. ((Later, I gained friends who will remain close to my heart forever!)) We worked on project after project. Quickly I realized I needed a way to fund my growing hobby. Jake was nice about it, but I like to be self sufficient. So I came up with the idea of selling our awesome creations in a Christmas Craft Fair. For months, we worked and worked to have a variety of items to sell. It was so exciting and I loved throwhing energy into something new. It was during this time that I realized that people may not want to pay for my quirky mistakes. People who pay for items actually demand that they look nice. And are functional! (Imagine that!)

So I began to pay more attention to my quality of work. Liz was similar to my mom, in that all her projects looked perfect. Liz may as well be a clone of Martha Stewart. She's amazing. Sadly, the craft fair was not as lucrative for me as I had hoped, but I had a large stash of baby shower gifts, which I have used for years!

Now after years of slowly upping my quality of my sewing projects, I feel like I have learned so much. So when I started cutting this fabric for this dress, I quickly realized I had a problem. The foxes on the fabric face on direction. So if I wanted all the foxes on the dress to face one direction (right side up) then I either had to get more fabric, or be very creative. I'm lazy, so getting more of the same fabric wasn't really a thought. I figured out a way to make the dress work, while still keeping all my foxes facing the right way.

It's good to feel like I'm learning. I have not regretted one stage of this learning process. I loved that in the beginning, I was more interested in getting experience and getting things done than having it be perfect. There's so many people I talk to that want to learn to sew. They are just afraid. I say: It doesn't matter at the beginning what anything looks like. Just do it! Get behind the machine and sew something ugly. Next time it will look better. It will fit better, and you will curse less each time you sew. It takes years (mostly when your sewing time is limited by little muchkins) but it is so fun.

Disclaimer: the items that I sew today that I am not intending to sell, are not at all perfect. I still have the mentality from the beginning. I'm just lucky to have sewn. It helps my mental state immensely. WHAT I have sewn isn't as important. It's just good to accomplish something.

Disclaimer 2: and just because I pay more attention to quality now does not mean my items look anywhere near as perfect as my mom's. Or Liz's. They don't. But they aren't as crazy ugly as they used to be!

Sometimes.... I start to wonder who I really am....

So - There's a list of things I said I would "NEVER DO." Right? I'm sure you have a list like that.

Things like....

     1.  never marry someone who wanted a ton of kids. DONE! ((Though Jake is fine with not a ton of    
          kids also...)

     2.  never bribe my kid. DONE (millions of times, the most recently, being THIS -- I like to call it a      
          "potty training incentive" but it's more like "Hey Liv, I'm going to spend $$ this month on
           something, do you want it to be diapers, so something awesome?? Let's go with something
           awesome you don't pee on. Great!"

                      ** Update: I returned Doc McStuffins and got diapers. This potty training thing is NOT
                      for the weary and pregnant. Can someone just take care of this for us? I can't be a nice      
                      mom and potty train at the same time.... Tips?? **

                      ** Update #2: We are potty training AGAIN! But I feel like we are over the hump. We        
                      still have lots of work to do, but things are looking up! **

     3.  Never be a mom that doesn't get ready every day. DONE! Now I tell Jake he gets ONE thing
          (out of 3. I can a) shower, b) do my makeup, or c) do my hair. I will do ONE thing within a 24
          hour period, but it won't likely ALL happen together (( unless I'm headed to church or
          something like that )). BUT --- Today I showered, did my makeup, and my hair. ALL after
          exercising. I am superwoman I tell you.

                   ** I am doing better at this! I'm up to 2 a day more regularly now! **

     4. And I would NEVER homeschool my kid. Because those homeschooled kids are just weird.
         And their mom's too. ;)

So... I bet you can tell what I'm going to do. It's not showering and getting pretty every day. ((Though that would be GREAT, I'm sure!)). I think I'm going to homeschool Sam. WHAT???

It's hard to even type that. Like Really? I feel like I'm throwing my sanity out the door.

Now Sam doesn't drive me nuts (Liv does that).... But as most mom's know, there's this expectation that our kids will grow older and then they will start school. And THEN we can have some alone time. YES!!!! ALONE TIME!!! We can go grocery shopping, and shower, and all sorts of things I can't even imagine....

And I'm thinking of not doing that? Am I nuts? Please take my temperature SOMEONE!

I always thought that when all those little munchkins got to be old enough for school, I was going to study like a crazy woman and pass the bar (yes - I did graduate law school. no - I have never taken the bar). So am I suddenly giving up that dream?

Oh - I have NO idea. But.....

Here's what I do know. ((a.k.a. list of pros to home schooling))

1. We have been doing homeschool for preschool and it's going GREAT. We ALL love it. I love it.
     Sam loves it. Olivia loves it. Sam is doing really well and learning a lot. Olivia is also doing great.

2. I'm not a huge fan of schools in Florida. I didn't feel this way in Nebraska. I was comfortable with
    the school we were zoned for in Hastings, and I looked forward to Sam starting Kindergarten there.
    Here... it's another story. I don't want him to go to the school we are currently zoned for, but we
    could try to waive into another school. Which brings me to my next point:

3. Even if I could get him into a higher rated school where we live, I'm kind of weary about public
     schools in general. I mean, let's get all political now, but from what I understand of common core
     and the school system in general, I'm not a fan. I could go into more detail, but I'm not going to
     just yet.

4. I just feel good about it - even though I am super scared. How am I supposed to manage 3 kids, try
    to have a quilting business, and teach them all types of school stuff? Not sure, not sure.

         ** Update: Maybe Peyton (kiddos babysitter/playmate) is my answer here. She's wonderful! **

Either way, wish me luck! I'm going to need it!

And if you have homeschool tips, please share!

So Many Good Things

So many good things have happened since last time I wrote......

First of which is this little boy!

Timothy was born January 20th. We love him, LOVE him! And suddenly he is just over 5 weeks old! I am somewhat coming out of the fog that settles after you have a baby, and now all the visitors have left. (cue sad sad face!)

And even though I have these three beautiful kids to take care of, I have a plan to "work" (aka -- sew!) This wonderful girl from my church is looking to earn money to buy a parrot. And my kids happen to be in love with her (she is 9 years old). And she is homeschooled.

$$$

+

Love

+ 

Homeschool schedule

=

Babysitter!

So today she started playing with Sam and Olivia while I am here sewing and blogging. It's AMAZING. I texted Jake (and her mom) and said "Heaven just began!" They play and play and I sew and get things done.

Slowly, my sanity is being restored through sewing and accomplishing things that I have been itching to do for MONTHS! I was mostly too sick and tired to do much sewing or blogging during pregnancy. So I'm really ready to start a new chapter of life. A chapter where my kids get a great playmate, and I get to spend some dedicated time to sewing and blogging. Perfection!

Lucky for me, I have this great friend, Susan Milmont (check out Milmont Photography on Facebook) that came to help me a week after I had Timothy. My wonderful aunt came for a week while I was in the hospital and recovering. Susan came and helped and took some great newborn shots and family pictures at Clearwater Beach. We were also lucky enough to have Jake's parents and my dad come to stay. I miss every one of them. And they loved and cared for my kids as much as I do. It has been a beautiful 5 weeks!

So I have lots to tell....

Lots of new decisions, lots of (substandard) pictures to share, and great hopes for the future!

Keep checking back for updates, and I will post at least once a week because of sweet Peyton, the in-house babysitter!

Type 3

I read this new parenting book, and I'm in love. LOVE I TELL YOU! It has changed how I parent and it has made Olivia and I get along SO MUCH BETTER. Sam and I generally get along, but this book was instrumental in me staying home with Liv (and not getting  job and putting her in day care!) There were moments I would call Jake and tell him I couldn't do it anymore....

But she is so cute huh? I mean, could I really leave this little
girl for hours a day? No.
P.S. She is wearing last years' Halloween costume! Love it!

I also need to keep rereading the book, because it helps remind me what I need to do to parent my children well. So this book is called the Child Whisperer by Carol Tuttle. This is the BEST parenting book I have read, and I have read me a few parenting books!

Basically, there are basically 4 types of people in this world. Olivia (and I!!) happen to be the most "difficult" type. We are Type 3. It's called "Determined." Which is a great say to sugar coat "stubborn" and "determined, purposeful, and persistent" maybe even fiery, pushy, etc.

Very well could have been that exactly poop smearing day....
Because there have been about 12 of them since we moved to FL.
12 times of cleaning up poop like this. No exaggeration. 

Months ago, a friend mentioned on Facebook that she was looking forward to reading the book. It was on a day where I had just finished cleaning up poop that Olivia smeared all over herself and her bedroom. I ordered the book of Amazon immediately. Best. Decision. Ever. I loved that the book was MINE and I could write in it.

I liked that I could write "Olivia" or "Sam" right by the
passage that described them. It really helped me define
what type they are. Sam is type 1. 

This book explained to me who my child is - and who I am. It lets me know that she is OK for being who she is - opinionated, stubborn, hard to please, etc. That is who she is, and probably who I am too. (I'm going to quote the book in this a lot, and the student in me REALLY wants to type in reference page numbers, but I'm trying to resist. So just know all these quotes are in the book under the chapter that talks about Type 3s.) Type 3's are always "getting out or getting into things in order to physically explore their world." One of my friends (correctly) said Liv is like a wrecking ball. Exactly. That was months ago, but if Liv does not get some serious energy out, she is exactly like a wrecking ball, going from one thing to the next exploring and making messes. Like ALL. DAY. LONG. It also says that Type 3 children from 18 months to 3 years old "created the phrase 'The Terrible Twos.' Once a Type 3 child is mobile, they tend to want to get their hands on and into everything. This is the stage where they want to start expiring their physical world. When they are blocked from that, their tantrums can be terrible." Exactly what it's like living with my little Liv the last year +... 

Type 3s have their "mind set on a certain result" and they will do whatever it takes to reach it - at any age. Sounds like fun toddler years, am I right?? Sometimes she just gives me anxiety... because as a Type 3 myself, I want to have everything exactly how I want it. And I don't want a 2 year old ruling my world. So to say Liv and I can clash...would be an understatement... BUT, this book gives ME the tools to parent her. So we can get a long, and connect. And feel love for each other.

Another thing, which I see a lot in myself (or I try to do!) is that Type 3s "push many things forward quickly and powerfully. Rather than moving forward through life on one linear tack, they move forward along three or more tracks at a time, completing projects simultaneously and keeping a lot of things going." It also states that sometimes it feels like your Type 3 child can be operating on this "READY, FIRE, AIM" module.... (rather than ready, aim, fire... get it?) Like they start doing something before they really even know it is what they are doing.... Can you tell? I'm already sharing my business idea before I even know what I'm getting into, or I'm ready to actually start doing it? READY, FIRE, AIM! STEPH!

Type 3s are natural leaders, and if you encourage them to cultivate their leadership skills, they will accomplish great things. Type 3s who have been encouraged to express their personalities and DO things, end up going BIG. These are the Michael Phelps and Serena Williams (please don't let Michael Phelps recent DUI taint that reference!) So Liv can do BIG and GOOD things, I just have to help her set her course and encourage her. Type 3s can be labeled as a little fireball, and sometimes pushy, aggressive, demanding, or out of control. Hopefully by the time these little Type 3s become adult type 3s, we can tame these demanding tendencies (I hope I have), but I can totally see them evident in my little girl.

Another fun thing about 3s, which we have repeatedly experienced with Liv, is that "Type 3 children do not like to feel blocked or thwarted from the result they are trying to achieve...that forward energy needs somewhere to go, and your child will probably just push back harder or even react explosively" if you try to calm or shut down their energy. It's a super fun personality to deal with, just ask Jake ;/  I remember when I had just finished reading this chapter, I was SO EXCITED to tell Jake. I knew I had a roadmap on how to parent Olivia, and I was so grateful and I knew that Liv and I could be friends, not just continually battling with each other. So after I told Jake about how Type 3s act, and the difficulties, etc, I just said "She's nuts, isn't she?" "She's so hard to deal with, isn't it crazy?" Jake just looks at me, and said "Yes, I know. I have been married to you for almost 7 years now." LOL. Hilarious - because I have all the same tendencies as Liv. We are like the same person, I'm just 29 years older.

This is Liv trying to pee in the bushes like Sam.
I used to think "Stop Her!" but now I think,
"Hey, if she's smart enough to think of it on
her own, why not let her?" 

One of the biggest things I have changed since reading this book is letting Olivia DO. The book states that "within obvious boundaries of safety, allow your Type 3 enough space and permission to DO. They may wasn't to pursue results that are not a high priority for you. If you try to stop them, they will probably find a way around you to do it anyway. If you succeed in stopping them, their frustration may simmer until they act out their frustration in other ways. Both of you will experience much more joy and harmony if you facilitate opportunities for your Type 3 child to actively pursue their dreams, no matter how big. Don't just get out of their way: Cheer them on. Trust that they can do it!"

And I think as soon as Jake realized this with me, we have gotten along so much better also. He just needs to sit back and cheer me on (most of the time.) So I have tried to step back and say yes to Liv as much as possible - One way I did this was with swimming.

When we moved to FL we bought puddle jumpers for both kids. They got used to the water really quickly and we could relax (while still watching them) but know they were not likely to drown in front of our face because of those awesome floaties. So a month or so down the road, Sam starts to become a better swimmer and he kind of graduates from the puddle jumpers. As soon as Sam stopped wearing his puddle jumpers, Liv didn't want to wear hers. She would fight me every time I put them on. There were epic battles.

One battle where she could decide to either
wear her puddle jumper or sit in the stroller.
Obviously she chose stroller. Those
were not fun pool days. 

So I felt like I always had to be right next to her in the pool because I didn't trust her swimming abilities AT ALL. And lucky for me, this coincided perfectly with my morning sickness. When I barely wanted to get out of bed, I needed to be right next to her in the pool. So after a couple of weeks of fighting, I did two things. (I would not say this was sacrificing safety, because I was watching her)

1. I let go a bit. I let Liv play on the stairs in the pool and I didn't hover over her waiting for her to go under. I watched closely from my lawn chair and jumped in the pool to save her when she went under.

2. I got Liv some good swim lessons. I paid this girl in my church to come for an hour a week to help Liv swim. And by the end of the week, Liv could do some life saving swimming (she could step off the steps and swim back a couple feet to the edge.) Liv also knew her limits better.

Result: Liv got the freedom she needed because I wasn't hovering over her. I got to relax while I was super nauseas and I just used short bursts of energy to jump in the pool when she needed some help. And Liv got to set her limits and she recognized them, rather than ME putting a limit on her, which she always pushed back against anyways (which caused us both to be very frustrated.)

And one good tip I always have to remind myself is the book states is "their energy is not naturally devious or rebellious. They do not do things to purposely upset you, especially when they are young. Sometimes I just say that to myself over and over. "She's not trying to drive me nuts, She's not trying to drive me nuts."

Sam and Liv going on a morning run before I go to
the gym - It get's their energy out!

One other super helpful thing I learned is that type 3 kids need a physical outlet for their energy. I should have known this. I remember my mom telling me more than once "Can you please go on a run or something? You are a much more nice person after you run." And Liv does get in the most trouble, or do the most damage when she hasn't got her energy out. So I've got Liv in a tumbling class and she loves it. Type 3s don't like sitting very long - they would much rather work on a project.

Tumbling class last week - Sam does it with her and they both love it!

The book also goes over potty training, sleeping, school, dating, driving, etc. It's amazing. It gives me tips on being a parent to a type 3, and also gives me tips AS a type 3 parent. There are even physical characteristics that define who a Type 3 is. One glaring characteristic that I have is the "Type 3 scowl," or a furrowing or wrinkling of my forehead between my eyebrows. (Liv doesn't have it - or not yet at least!)

And I know I've got to put my best effort forth to make
my relationship with Liv a good one. One that we can
both enjoy. I want us to love each other and LOVE
being around each other. She's darling. 

Anyways, I would recommend this book to anyone - it's a great read. It has helped me, which has helped our whole family get along better. It's helped with Sam also, but he's a bit easier to raise and I didn't have to do so much correcting of my parenting with his Type. Good luck! And order that book!

Tuesdays Flow

I wrote this post in my head during my Tuesday morning workout. And it may be a downer for some one you... so feel free to just skip this post if you want!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

See, I'm a cardio girl. I've ran two marathons (though it's been 10 years!) countless shorter distance races, and a couple of triathlons. If I'm at the gym I usually choose a cardio type class. I try to fit in some weights because I know I need to build muscle. In the past I have had a hard time convincing myself I got a workout if I didn't get any cardio in -- for example, I needed to run before a lifting weights - -  and yoga or Pilates was a joke. Like a waste of time. 

So fast forward to a couple months ago when a trainer at my gym (during a free consult session) suggested I go to a Body Flow class (yoga with a bit of pilates) to help stretch out my tight muscles. I resisted, but went because I knew it would help. Surprisingly, slowly I've gotten hooked on yoga. It's only once a week, so I'm not all "yogi"but I really do hate to miss my Tuesday Flow class. 

So Tuesday after Livs tumbling class, we headed to the gym. And I know what I'm getting myself into every Tuesday. I cry at every Flow class since coming home after my moms funeral. But I keep coming back. Somehow I don't find myself crying at my cardio or weight classes because my brain is probably focused on getting myself enough air to power through the workout... Or the music is just too fast paced to have a good cry? 

One of the last pictures I have with my mom - She was such a
sport - she took my bro and I on an impromptu trip to Salt Lake City
to catch our connecting flight after our flight out of Moab was cancelled.
And she smiled and was grateful for the extra time the whole way.

Anyways, I have a friend, recently turned yoga instructor in my old town of Hastings, Nebraska. She has mentioned she makes these emotional breakthroughs while doing yoga.. Or that her emotions are just so raw and sometimes she finds herself crying out of nowhere. Either way, I totally agree. 

I usually end up having a bit of a crying session during the last song where we all lay down and relax (I love it -- someone is watching my kids while I can lay on the ground and relax? YES!) Tuesday was different. I started thinking how nice it is to be able to exercise again after being so nauseas for months and months. And I thought my mom would have loved doing this with me if her body would have been able. Sometimes I think "I should call her and tell her about this awesome class." But then I remember she is gone. Because sometimes the hardest part is remembering that she is actually gone. 

After the graveside service -
Sam keeps reminding me that I got to put a
rose on the casket and he didn't
So "NEXT TIME" he gets to also.
I'm hoping the next time is not for a long time.

I have lived far away from her (at least 14 hrs by car) for the last 5 years. I probably averaged seeing her two or three times a year, so 15ish times in the last 5 years. I got used to not seeing her. I'm used to talking to her -- for the last year and a half or do I called almost every day. So sometimes it's hard to remind myself she's not there for me to talk to on the phone. 

But it's also hard because I just keep assuming I will see her "next time." Like Thanksgiving, or Christmas, or when this sweet baby is born. 

Liv and her naked bum.
She loved playing in the rocks

I let Liv get some time playing in the mud
at my dad's house - she loved it!

After mud pies, she wanted to swing

I keep thinking, after some "experience" I will have reality set in. Like I will just stop forgetting that she's gone. Before I went home for the funeral, I thought reality would set in when I finally got home and saw my dad. But it didn't, I just kept looking around for her. Signs of her life were everywhere. I kept using her hand lotion she kept out. Her cane was in the corner. A note from her sister was on the fridge. 

Then I thought "maybe when I see her and we have the funeral, then I will realize she's gone." But no. I kept looking for her the funeral. I just assumed she was going to the bathroom and that she would be back sitting in her chair or telling us what to make for dinner. 

I have also been surprised what has been hard, and what has been easy. Sometimes I am fine, and some things catch me off guard and break my heart and make me cry. 

Me, Suzanne, Dad, Brad, and Todd
After the funeral August 7 2014

I remember going to church the morning my dad told me my mom had passed away. I had been ok. I knew she was in a better place and I was happy she wasn't suffering. But as I was walking up to the church, I was talking to my dad about when the funeral would be and whether they would have time to announce it. He said that a family friend had called the local bishops and they would announce it at church. That was hard. Reality started to hit when I knew other people would know.

I didn't realize this, but at a funeral it's normal to display the life of the person who has died. Setting up tables of memories and different pictures and quilts my mom had made was hard. It was like displaying a beautiful life on a few tables, and I couldn't even begin to capture her wonderful spirit. 

The viewing and funeral were ok. It was hard, but it was so good. We had so so much support and we all felt so loved. It was also easy to help write the obituary. It was like writing a wonderful story about my mom.

But on our way driving out of town, I stopped by the newspaper office to pick up a couple of copies - and it was shockingly hard to read the obituary in the newspaper. That hurt. And I still haven't picked it up - there's just a neat (or not so neat) little pile of things from the funeral that I haven't even wanted to touch.

My dad also had a nice DVD made with pictures of my mom that played with music for people to watch while they were in line for the viewing. He gave all of us siblings a copy and it's in that pile. My dad suggested I watch it sometime, and mostly with my kids. He really wants his grandkids to remember my mom. And I thought it would be easy to just pop that DVD right in -- but when it came time, I just found something else to do. Sometimes it just takes time to work through emotions, and I think this is one of them. 

I love this picture - Todd was saying his belly was bigger than
mine or Suzanne's (I'm about 15 weeks along and Suz
is about 13 weeks) 

So this Flow class gives me time to think each of these thoughts. It's wonderful to hear myself think without being interrupted every 20 seconds by a 4 and 2 year old. I love the relaxing atmosphere, and I think it just allows me to grieve. Hopefully no one notices me wiping a tear or two (or more!) away in class.

So if anyone out there needs to work through some hard feelings, I would recommend going to your local gym with good child care (if you have kids and they are not in schools) and get yourself in a yoga class. Maybe it won't be the first or second time that you can relax enough to feel whatever you need, but I bet it will come. And you will get some killer workout in while you are at it. Yoga is hard!

I got to bring my mom's shoes home
I wear them almost every day because they remind me of her.

Forward Focus

It's been a while and a lot has happened. Two days after my last post my mom passed away. It's been a long road, and at times it feels like it was yesterday, and sometimes it feels like it's been a year. I will likely write more about that later, but right now I want to focus on the future while still remembering the past.

But first, let's talk about these dresses. I went to Joanns after I got back from the funeral and decided I needed to work on getting a final dress done. So I chose some awesome fabric. I REALLY love this combo.

The purple fabric on the right is a super nice feeling satin. That would be one side of the dress with an appliqué of some kind (fox, fox face, etc?) with the fox fabric. Then the other side of the dress would be the fox fabric with the orange dot fabric as the appliqué. Then I would mirror the appliqué in the cutout on the back. The orange/pink/white ribbon is the loop closure for the awesome orange button. LOVE IT! Now, I just have to work on it. ;) I think Liv is going to look super cute in it. I can't wait!

But let me tell you a story....

So I was showing this fabric to some friends the day that I bought it. I was trying to convince one of them to go into business with me. She could be the business side (marketing, accounting, paperwork) and I could be the sewing/designing side. Because it's been hard trying to do both. Basically everything moves at a snails pace. So as I was telling her she should do this with me, I also told her about another business idea I had. And as I was explaining it, I realized the other idea is what I really wanted to pursue.

I love these little dresses. I love that I made them up, and I love the color combos that could happen. But I was passionate about this other idea. I feel like it could make a difference for someone. And I don't think a little girls dress can do that as well. There's a difference between loving something, and being passionate about something else. There's a "why" behind the passionate idea, which is to help other people remember those who are important to them.

There's also a difference between my market audience. My business idea I am passionate about is a more narrow market. And the product is much more expensive, so that also narrows things a bit. So it may be a hard go - but that's ok with me. I have never seen anything like this, so I feel like I may have a niche.

But I'm going to go backward in time a bit before I tell you. I was talking with one of my other friends from Nebraska months and months ago. I knew I wanted to start a sewing business of some kind, I just didn't have an idea. I told her I loved to quilt, but it's hard to sell quilts because they are so expensive. Most people don't want to pay the price for a custom quilt -- mostly when they can get a soft blanket at Costco or Target for $20. So I kind of gave up on the idea.... At the time, we were going through the roller coaster of my mom's declining health and I wanted a way to bridge the gap between quilting and genealogy - or remembering the people who have touched our lives. I just really didn't know if it was possible to connect quilts and genealogy.

So after pinning a ton of quilt ideas off Pintrest, I found the idea. So while I hesitate to put this picture up on my blog, because it wasn't my original idea, but I can't find the original source from Pintrest. It just leads to an image without a webpage. Here goes....

And I'm sure once I make this quilt (one for me remembering my mom) I will work in my originalities, so it won't be a knock off this particular quilt. I just hope this quilt can be a jumping off place for my quilts.

So I'm planning on getting some of my mom's clothes (or something fabric and memorable) and (with my dad's permission!) cutting them up to appliqué them as the hearts on the top.  Then at the bottom I think it would be great to embroider  my dad, and maybe my whole family. And this girl is holding a coffee mug or something, but that's not really what I'm going for. So I will figure out something else. Also, if it looks good I can embroider names and dates of people on the quilt too.

I'm just excited - I feel like this is perfect. My mom had such a passion for quilting. I watched her, and I learned so much. Now I feel like I can use what she taught me to carry on her memory through quilting, and also through a quilt depicting that love her, miss her, and remember her.

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So for my short terms goals, I'm writing out a business plan. How fun is that going to be? Wish me luck!

And please someone business oriented speak up and join in my business venture! ;) It will be fun....